I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
