I can feel you judging me through the phone.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
