Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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