I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
