If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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