my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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