I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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