Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
