You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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