Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
