yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
