Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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