It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
