so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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