My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MIDGETS
????
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
