Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize