I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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