no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize