How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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