i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize