Me too!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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