The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think my mom watched the whole time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i used baking grease as lip gloss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize