AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
