Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
