just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
