You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
