I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
