In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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