I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
