Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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