Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
