you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
