I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
