i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
