i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
