can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
