I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
