absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
