dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're like a lot better than the average bears
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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