I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
