went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
someone owes me an orgasm
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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