Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
