You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
