I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
