I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
