I wannas sexs uuuuu
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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