I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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