id be glad to
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
