That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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