She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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