the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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