also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
