went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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