God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
