I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize