everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
