If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
