the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
