I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
