Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
