just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
