His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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