Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
