Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's blow job season.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize