Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize