You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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