she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
