I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
