Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
